I don’t know about you, but the morning routine is a little crazy around my house! I’ve discovered a few ways to make our mornings run smoother and I’m happy to share those with you on the chat tomorrow. I’d love to hear your ideas too! What have you tried that makes getting the kids off to school a little easier?

The calm AFTER the morning storm at our house!

Here are some other things I’d love to talk about with you: How has your school year started out? What do you think about your child’s teacher? How about homework – is it too much or too little? What kind of after school activities are your kids involved in? And how do you know when to cut back or ramp up the activities? Are your kids doing chores around the house? Do they get an allowance? Do you require your kids to do their homework first before they can have a friend over or give them a little play time first before tackling their assignments?

What would YOU like to talk about? What are your hopes, concerns and questions as this new school year gets underway? Send me your questions and let’s chat on Wednesday here. By sending your comment, you’ll be automatically entered to win a signed copy of The Must-Have Mom Manual! So send those questions and comments right away!

I look forward to talking with you!

Sara

Talking to Bill Milliken, founder of Communities in Schools, got me thinking about what it means to be a hero. A REAL hero. Selflessness. Moral excellence. Humility. Service. Integrity. I thought about all the heroes among us who are unsung, unnoticed. I found a new hero Monday in Mr. Milliken. Who are your heroes? And what does it mean to be a hero? Who do you want your kids to see as heroes? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

When my daughter Anna started kindergarten, she walked into her classroom and shooed me (the helicopter parent) away with the statement, “You can go now, Mommy.” She didn’t bat an eye, much less shed a tear. I, however, barely made it to the car before I collapsed into a fit of sobs, pitifully hugging the steering wheel. I was handing her off to strangers — people I was sure would have a much greater impact on her life than I would now. As far as I was concerned, I might as well have been sending her off to college…”I’ve done all I could, I hope she turns out okay.” I soon realized, as I showed up almost daily at the school for Reading Renaissance, Thursday folders, Room Parent meetings, class parties and lunch visits, that I hadn’t exactly sent her off into the big, scary world all by herself. But that first day, it sure felt like it. Why couldn’t she stay little just a little longer, how was school going to change her? Where had all the time gone?

Just a few months later I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and my world was completely turned upside down. Suddenly I wasn’t worried about Anna growing up, I was worried about missing it. In a horrifying flash everything was brought into perspective: what if I didn’t see her get her driver’s license, her first date, her prom…what if I didn’t see her start second grade? I realized how lucky I was that I had been there to see her start kindergarten — something I had completely taken for granted. Watching our children grow up is a gift. Yes, it is bittersweet because nothing makes the swift passage of time more visible than when our children, who it seems were babies just yesterday, are letting go of our hands and walking off on their own.

Now that I am cancer-free and life has returned to the normal (read: chaotic) tempo, I find myself again getting caught up in the whirlwind that is life with kids. But more often than ever it hits me to stop. Stop and savor this moment. And I forget the To-Do List and I bury my face in their hair and relish just being here with them right now.

Sara Ellington is author of The Must-Have Mom Manual and The Mommy Chronicles, both with Stephanie Triplett.

www.saraandstephanie.com

I was asked to be a guest writer for the Mama Elan blog and the topic was up to me. Hmmm…what’s something most moms can relate to? Being too exhausted for sex, that’s what! You can read the blog here…you won’t want to miss Stephanie’s bicycle analogy. Trust me.

Sara Ellington is the author of The Must-Have Mom Manual (Ballantine, 2009) and The Mommy Chronicles (Hay House, 2005) both with Stephanie Triplett.

www.saraandstephanie.com

Stephanie and Sara's kids enjoying summer

It’s  July… already.

My front lawn needs some serious pruning; my garage is in total shambles; we’ve spent the summer getting dressed out of laundry baskets; and I could probably knit a Dom Delouise-sized sweater out of the ball of dog hair under the dining room table (if I knew how to knit.) But it’s okay. It’s summer. And I’ve shown my kids a darn good time.  I’ve given them memories, and I’ve chased them around the backyard. I’ve left breakfast dishes on the table so we could meet our friends at the pool on time, and I’ve had a really good time at the ice cream parlor, even though I knew there was a ring in the toilet bowl back home.

I’ve taken them to “Shoot the Hooch” which means I’ve floated down the great Chattahoochee River with my ass hanging out of an inflatable inner tube. I’ve set up house for all the creatures that my son, the Great Hunter, bagged in the back yard. I’ve driven them to cheerleading practice three days a week; and all-star baseball practices, which occurred every night of the week, with tournaments on weekends. Sure, I’ve done my fair share of complaining along the way – but I got them there with their mounds of special shoes and equipment and sometimes even a snack and a Gatorade. We’ve bowled, we’ve eaten tubs of popcorn at the movies, we’ve fed deer and chipmunks at the petting zoo; and we’ve even made a few trips to the library.

Here in Georgia, our kids have only 8 weeks of summer, which means my kids go back to school on Aug. 3^rd. We have just a few glorious days of summer left and there’s still so much we want to do! I encourage you to let the housework and the laundry slide and make some memories with your kids. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive. Just be with them. Make water balloons, or get out your squirt guns or sprinkler and run around the back yard together. Let them help you cook or pack food for a picnic (kid-style, not Martha-style). Take them to a baseball game, or go for a bike ride together. Search the Internet for some fun, inexpensive crafts to make together. Soak up every precious summer moment. The house will always get dirty, over and over and over again. But there’s only one summer with your kids at the ages they are right now – and every age holds it’s own kind of magic and new activities. As Sara and I remind you in our book The Must-Have Mom Manual, your kids aren’t going to remember how clean your house was this summer, but they WILL remember the day you built a fort out of the cushions on your couch or floated down the river with your ass hanging out of an inner tube. So go have some fun!

Stephanie Triplett is the author of The Mommy Chronicles: Conversations Sharing the Comedy and Drama of Pregnancy and New Motherhood (Hay House, 2005) and The Must-Have Mom Manual (Ballantine/Random House, April 2009)

www.saraandstephanie.com

Janis Brett Elspas

It’s always rewarding to get a great review of The Must-Have Mom Manual from another mom, but even more so when the mom is a PR and media relations expert, not to mention a brand ambassador for The View. Janis Brett Elspas, blogger extraordinaire at MommyBlogExpert.com just reviewed The Must-Have Mom Manual. Her opinion? Our book really is a must-have, just like the name says. So don’t take it from me, read Janis’ review here.

The truth is, the answers to parents’ sleep questions aren’t always cut and dried. Stephanie and I are the perfect examples of how solutions are never one-size fits all. I can’t share the entire Parenting article with you  (you’ll have to pick up a copy of the magazine for that!) but here’s a little excerpt:

Co-Sleeping* vs. Crib Sleeping

STEPHANIE: I started co-sleeping with my baby the day she was born. She was in the little plastic bassinet on the opposite side of my hospital room and she was crying nonstop. The nurse suggested that I put her in bed with me, that my body heat would calm her. It worked — and it stuck. I adored sleeping with her, and it made breastfeeding much easier because she could simply latch on and we both drifted back to sleep. I actually kept our co-sleeping a secret, though, because I thought I would be judged as a “bad mom” for starting a supposedly bad habit. But then I picked up William Sears, M.D.’s The Baby Book. Dr. Sears teaches that co-sleeping is the norm in many countries and can be beneficial for both mother and child if you do it safely. That’s why I tell new moms to read all you can but keep in mind that you won’t know what truly works for you until you try it.

*Note: The American Academy of Pediatrics says the safest place for a baby to sleep is in a separate space (co-sleeper, crib or bassinet) next to the parent’s bed. But if you do decide to bed-share follow these precautions:

1) Don’t sleep with your baby on a couch, inflatable mattress or waterbed.

2) Push your bed tightly against a wall and remove or lock leg wheels ir your bed has them. Place your baby to sleep between you and the wall, rather than between two people.

3) Remove pillows, sheets and blankets that could cover your baby’s head.

4) Do not sleep with your baby if you have been drinking alcohol; if you are under the influence of a drug that might make you overly tired; if you are obese; if you smoke.

5) Never leave your baby alone in an adult bed.

SARA: I worked harder than I ever have those first few months after my daughter was born. At the end of the day, I needed a break. I think having my baby in bed with me at night would have put me right over the edge. Yet I totally realized why it worked for Stephanie, who was pining to be with her daughter while she was at work. And she understood how I needed time away from the rigors of being a stay-at-home mom. This was one of our first “aha moments” as friends. What worked for me wouldn’t have worked for her and vice versa. And that was okay. We didn’t realize at the time that motherhood would lead us down completely different paths, but we’d established a precedent of mutual respect, which I think has enabled us both to trust our own instincts as mothers through the years.

Sara Ellington and Stephanie Triplett are authors of The Must-Have Mom Manual (Ballantine, 2009) and The Mommy Chronicles (Hay House, 2005).

www.saraandstephanie.com

MomsLikeMe.com is hosting The Great Book Giveaway on June 27th from 7-9 pm in 17 cities across the US. All you have to do is log on and chat with other moms about the books that are featured and you could win up to two great books. The Must-Have Mom Manual is one of the books featured, along with many other great books for moms and kids. Click here to see the list of books. I can’t think of a better way to fill up your beach bag and kick off your summer reading! I’ll be chatting with MomsLikeMe members around the country next Sunday night — maybe I’ll get to chat with you! If you’re not yet a member, just go to MomsLikeMe.com and click on “Change Location” at the top of the page to find the community nearest you. And good luck on the 27th!

Friday night, just when I least expected it (isn’t that when it always happens?) life went from quiet to chaotic and unnervingly fragile when my husband rushed up the stairs carrying Cade – both of them covered in blood. Cade had jumped off the diving board on our dock before letting the kid who jumped before him clear out of the way. Cade’s lip collided with the other boy’s head — and as my mom says, “In a battle between the lip and head, the head always wins.”

Fortunately the other kid was not hurt but the cut in Cade’s top lip was bad. There was no question whether or not stitches were needed. Cade’s had stitches in his lip before and I knew there was no point in going to urgent care, we needed the hospital. Cade was hysterical of course but we got dry clothes on him and hustled him into the car holding a washcloth to his face. It’s just a cut. It’s just a cut, I kept telling myself. It’s not going to be a fun process, but he will be okay. Those thoughts kept me calm and focused on getting to the hospital. I hopped in the driver’s seat and David sat in the back next to Cade. The bleeding had stopped so that also provided some relief. But the relief was short-lived.

Cade had calmed down enough to start asking questions. The same questions. Over and over and over. “What happened?” he asked. “I don’t know what happened,” he kept saying with panic rising in his voice. Panic was rising inside me too. “It’s okay Cade,” I tried to reassure him. “Daddy didn’t remember what happened when his leg got hurt playing football back in high school…did you Daddy?” David gave me a look that said, No, I DID remember. I could see the fear in his face too and in his voice when he said “Sara, don’t be afraid to speed.”

At that point my mind started going down awful paths of spinal cord injuries and brain damage and the cold saline I heard about on NPR that they use to stop the progression of nerve damage — would they have this at the small satellite hospital we were headed to? Oh God, Oh God.

I ran into the emergency room slightly ahead of David and Cade to implore them to see my son immediately. They did. The doctor told us he didn’t think there was head trauma but ordered a CT scan just to be safe. After tries in both hands, the nurses were finally able to start an IV in Cade’s arm. The orderly wheeled him to radiology as I walked behind reassuring Cade that “I’m right behind you buddy.”

The radiology techs placed Cade on the same long thin table I’ve lied down on a dozen times myself over the last three years. Never once had I thought I’d see his little body sliding through that machine. What was just a trip to the hospital for stitches had turned into something completely different. Something that shakes you to your core and makes you look life’s fragility square in the face, whether you want to or not.

A few minutes after we returned to the ER, we were told the cat scan was normal. Okay. (big exhale) Okay. It’s just stitches. It’s just stitches. This is okay. We are okay.

The ER doctor called a special surgeon in to stitch Cade’s lip. However, because of the severity of the cut, Cade would need to be put under full anesthesia to keep him completely immobile. And because he’d eaten dinner an hour or so earlier, they had to wait till the next morning to do the surgery. They’d take him to a room and he and I would spend the night in the hospital.

Fortunately there was a couch in the room and the nurse brought me linens so I could try to get some sleep. The surgeon had instructed the nurse and me to keep his lip as moist as possible with saline-soaked gauze pads and to keep ice packs on it as much as possible. I did my best to follow those instructions filling the time between watching Jerry Maguire on TBS (Geez TBS has a ton of commercials).

At 5:45 am they came and took Cade to pre-op. The anesthesiologist came in and talked with Cade and me and although he was very reassuring that everything would be just fine in the 45 minutes or so Cade would be under, a big knot was forming in my stomach anticipating the moment they would take Cade into the operating room and away from me. It was the first time either of my kids would be in an operating room. I fought back tears that were dangerously close to the surface. I could NOT let Cade see any fear or worry in me. He was fine when they wheeled him through the doors. When the doors closed my floodgates opened. I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore.

About 45 minutes later the surgeon found us (by that time David and Anna had arrived) in the waiting room and told us everything was just fine. We headed back to the hospital room to meet our little boy and just a few minutes later I saw him — one of the sweetest sights I have ever seen.

My sweet boy. Safe and sound and back with David, Anna and me. Soon we could go home and be back to normal. Back to beautiful, blissful boring.

I have a very strong urge to go rip the diving board off the dock and let it sink to the bottom of the lake never to be seen again. But David has reminded me that the same thing could have happened without the diving board with the kids simply jumping off the dock. It could have happened on a bike ride or a swing set or a football field. And I can’t even let my mind go into the realm of driver’s licenses yet.

“We will not live our lives in fear,” David tells me with an absolutely unwavering resolve. In my mind I know he is right. He is the balance to my overprotective motherly instinct to shield my babies from any potential harm. His resolve is not untested. The four of us have been through a lot. And it seems just when I start to feel comfortable, bouyed with the news of my own clear CT scan last month, the kids doing well in school, the reassurance of knowing they are both strong swimmers as this summer lake and pool season gets underway…my sense of safety suddenly diseappears in the instant of a carefree jump off a diving board.

Cade will turn 7 next week. As I was telling a friend yesterday, “He’s had stitches twice, pneumonia, and now a CT scan and surgery and he’s not even 7 yet.”

When I was younger I used to wish for an exciting life. As Lily Tomlin said, I guess I should have been more specific. Doctors, chemo, stitches, surgery and cat scans were not exactly the kind of excitement I had in mind.

Today I am thankful for boring old normal life. And if you have kids, you should be too. So the next time you sit down to dinner and have to think for a second what to be thankful for because it was just an ordinary day…be thankful for that.

Happy Mother’s Day,

Sara